Chapter 10

Remember That Every Story Has Another Side

There is one final thing we must remember when dealing with relationship problems: every story has another side.

When you are hurting, it is easy to see everything from your own perspective. You know what you experienced. You know what you felt. You know the things that were said to you and the things that were done to you.

But the other person also has a story.

This does not mean that both people are always equally responsible for what happened. Sometimes, one person has clearly caused the harm. Sometimes, there is manipulation, betrayal, or abuse, and the person who was hurt needs to protect themselves rather than pursue reconciliation.

But in situations where we are trying to understand a conflict, it is important to recognize that we do not automatically know everything about another person's experience.

The person you are angry with is also a human being. They have weaknesses, strengths, fears, expectations, and experiences of their own.

The person you are seeking comfort from is also a human being.

The person who refuses to take you back is also a human being.

And the person who cannot give you the attention you want is also a human being.

We are all imperfect. We all make mistakes. We all have moments when we need help, and we all have moments when we are unable to provide it.

This is why we must be careful about how we approach other people when we are hurting.

Tell them the truth about what you are going through. Ask for help when you need it. Explain your feelings without making them responsible for fixing everything.

You can say, "I am going through a difficult time, and I need someone to talk to. Would you be willing to listen?"

There is nothing wrong with that.

But it is different when you pretend to have romantic feelings for someone because you know that they will give you the attention you need. It is different when you make promises you do not mean, manipulate someone's emotions, or make them feel guilty for not providing the comfort you want.

You may be hurting, but your pain does not give you permission to hurt someone else.

You may need love, but that does not mean you should pretend to love someone.

You may need companionship, but that does not mean another person must become your partner.

And you may need someone to help you through a difficult season, but that does not mean you should turn that person into a permanent solution to a problem you have not yet learned to understand.

We can ask for help without manipulating people. We can accept kindness without exploiting it. We can be honest about our weaknesses without using them as excuses for our actions.

That is part of becoming emotionally responsible.